Growing up it was just assumed that I would get married, living in a Christian house the ideology is focused on the family and in my upbringing I honestly have been groomed to be a husband. I have no hard feelings against these facts but it did mold in me a heart issue that I believe extends past me and also into my brothers and sisters. The heart issue being broken down into these parts: I raised my plans above The Lord assuming that was the only way he was going to use me in relationships but he stirred this up in my heart “my word is true and I keep my promises” (Numbers 23:19) and then I thought to myself when has The Lord promised me this wife and marriage? By me saying The Lord has given me unto marriage I risk making my Lord out to be a liar and saying my ways are higher then his. I also fell to raising my wife (if so be) above another promise God gave to me “I will make you my bridegroom”. Has my heart turned away from God so much that I focus on a want for a physical marriage which is a blur of the reflection of what he truly longs for me to have even more so? Which is eternity with him as His. And looking at Paul when he says in
1 Corinthians 7:7–8 (NIV84) “7 I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. 8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.”
and then later on ….
1 Corinthians 7:32-33 (NKJ) “32 But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. 33 But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife.”
I like how gotquestions.org says it this way “Notice that he says some have the gift of singleness and some the gift of marriage. Although it seems that nearly everyone marries, it is not necessarily God's will for everyone.” referring to verse 7, and I agree with this. It is not to say that being married or the yearning for marriage is wrong, but that even if you have that yearning, God can be calling you to focus on him more, and if it is to be a permanent single his role for you is to focus on him a lot more. to quote from gotquestions.org again “It is not a sin to remain single, even for your entire life. The most important thing in life is not finding a mate and having children, but serving God.” HOW I HAVE LIED TO MYSELF ABOUT THIS! And I am sure that others are caught in this lie. Because I have been the one to say, “my focus is on God” but then my mind goes to “plan to get a wife” or better yet “plan wait for a wife”. We can easily hide our idolatry in our current singleness, I did, cause my heart said I will get my wife in time and my heart never kept open singleness as being Gods plan. Let me say it this way: In your current state God is using you to serve him (if you are letting him), you have a ministry whether you know it or not, and by moving from a single to a married person your ministry WILL CHANGE. And that may or may not be Gods heart for you. while you are single be open to remaining single and how he is using you. because ultimately if he does have a person in store for you then that will be put into place without you lusting after it.
Let me close with a prayer that I have prayed personally:
God, you say my heart is deceitful, but you say you have a plan for me, you say that if I ask, you will answer whether the answer is what I want to hear. Lord I struggle with singleness, and I want to be close to someone, Lord in my singleness fill that void in me, for I truly urge for the only one who can fill me and no other person can make me feel the way I long for. May my mind be on you and you alone, that if you place someone in my life lord that I am blessed and if you place me with no one that I am still blessed for you fill the gap and my desire remains in you. May I hope for your higher calling, may I stay in your word and act out your decrees. For I wait for you to call my name. May it be true, Amen
God has given you the gift of singleness, and there is no middle ground you ether have the gift of marriage or the gift of singleness there is no gift of being in-between. So even if you are courting or dating you still have the gift of singleness. Lets start living in it!
1 Corinthians 7:7–8 (NIV84) “7 I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. 8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.”
and then later on ….
1 Corinthians 7:32-33 (NKJ) “32 But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. 33 But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife.”
I like how gotquestions.org says it this way “Notice that he says some have the gift of singleness and some the gift of marriage. Although it seems that nearly everyone marries, it is not necessarily God's will for everyone.” referring to verse 7, and I agree with this. It is not to say that being married or the yearning for marriage is wrong, but that even if you have that yearning, God can be calling you to focus on him more, and if it is to be a permanent single his role for you is to focus on him a lot more. to quote from gotquestions.org again “It is not a sin to remain single, even for your entire life. The most important thing in life is not finding a mate and having children, but serving God.” HOW I HAVE LIED TO MYSELF ABOUT THIS! And I am sure that others are caught in this lie. Because I have been the one to say, “my focus is on God” but then my mind goes to “plan to get a wife” or better yet “plan wait for a wife”. We can easily hide our idolatry in our current singleness, I did, cause my heart said I will get my wife in time and my heart never kept open singleness as being Gods plan. Let me say it this way: In your current state God is using you to serve him (if you are letting him), you have a ministry whether you know it or not, and by moving from a single to a married person your ministry WILL CHANGE. And that may or may not be Gods heart for you. while you are single be open to remaining single and how he is using you. because ultimately if he does have a person in store for you then that will be put into place without you lusting after it.
Let me close with a prayer that I have prayed personally:
God, you say my heart is deceitful, but you say you have a plan for me, you say that if I ask, you will answer whether the answer is what I want to hear. Lord I struggle with singleness, and I want to be close to someone, Lord in my singleness fill that void in me, for I truly urge for the only one who can fill me and no other person can make me feel the way I long for. May my mind be on you and you alone, that if you place someone in my life lord that I am blessed and if you place me with no one that I am still blessed for you fill the gap and my desire remains in you. May I hope for your higher calling, may I stay in your word and act out your decrees. For I wait for you to call my name. May it be true, Amen
God has given you the gift of singleness, and there is no middle ground you ether have the gift of marriage or the gift of singleness there is no gift of being in-between. So even if you are courting or dating you still have the gift of singleness. Lets start living in it!
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